I Have Found My Calling

It had to be either junior or senior year at college when I was inside a Collegeville, PA Target when it was discovered. On the shelf with several copies sat a DVD box that caught my eye. I’m not one for normally being swindled by inferior products, but I knew I needed to throw down a cool $15 to obtain a copy of Chilling Classics: 50 Movie Pack.

My friend Sean spotted me pawing this DVD set and had a sad look in his eye: “Little buckaroo,” he exclaimed, “you’re going to regret buying that you know. The quality is like, third generation video tapes being burned to a DVD.”

In this era of sanitized blue screens, constant IMAX bullshit and the phrase “3D” attached to every other blockbuster film, the thought of watching B movies taped off of a snowy television made my mouth water.

I told Sean I was going to make a pact with myself: I would watch every single movie in the pack.

It’s three years later. I’ve graduated from college, gained a little weight, moved to two different places, had a job, left my job, got a girlfriend, broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together again, started looking for work again, etc. Though I’ve lived a nomadic lifestyle, the 50 movie pack always stood by my side, being dormant in one box after another.

I’ve watched four or five movies from the pack. Three of the disks are missing, and this is because I’m very bad at taking care of my personal belongings. Hopefully they’ll show up, so I can make it to the 50 mark before buying another pack, but I am going to try to finish a project for once in my life to the best of my ability.

If the first movie in the pack (Death Rage), an action film that has absolutely nothing to do with the horror genre - nor is it chilling - has any indication of the quality of movies I’ll have to watch, this should at least be an interesting experience.

Sit back, enjoy my writing style that hasn’t evolved since the ninth grade and stay tuned for reviews of movies you’ll never want to see.